With eight posts in nine days, my Quality Control Officer has stepped in for a review of recent activity. Warning lights are flashing, and he is apparently not happy. Standards are slipping, he says. Down to where, I replied?
Anyway, over to him.
REVIEW OF POSTS
Hypocrisy, 1st November
Well written, but overly pious. Too long. Despite protestations to the contrary, definitely attempting to justify a tick in poor circumstances. Pathetic. Also no picture of bird in question. You should have just kept quiet.
Back to Basics, 2nd November
Much better. Short, and to the point. Sets the scene nicely. Extra points for actually being about Wanstead, and for including a photo of a Siskin, even if you did take it on Shetland. A photo of your sky-watching vista would have been better.
Hurting Myself, 3rd November
Slighty tangential, but you do that a lot and people don't appear to mind, and four comments show that at least some people were interested. Did you get permission to use that picture of Mr Bump that you stole from the internet?
A Departure, 4th November
Nonsense. Not what people want at all. Faux ageing of photographs? Please. What do you mean three comments? One of them was from you, and another was from that Ross chap, so they don't count. Birds, that's what people come for, not absurd attempts at being clever with your camera. Don't do it again.
Singing a Song, 6th November
Nul points for the attempt at humour with the song lyrics. Grow up. Boring post, you could have just said "I saw a Yellowhammer" using that Twitter thing and spared us all the extra. And what was the Reed Bunting photo all about? Possibly the worst post this week, despite the strong competition.
Guests Hail Tidiness of House, 7th November
You didn't go birding did you, so this is what you offered your readers? Not impressed. They all know you're hopeless at domesticity, you tell them all the time. Yawn. Some before and after photos could have made this better, but on the whole it was a bit naff and unfortunately typical of the way this blog is going.
Changing Allegiances and the Perils of Autumn Birding, 8th November
The first bit about birds was OK, though not very funny. What are you trying to do, convince people you're a good birder? Ridiculous, they all know you're not, don't insult their intelligence. The final bit, about dog turds and baby sick, was unnecessary, and would have turned people off. Makes you look very juvenile. On the plus side, at least you didn't include a photo, which I know you've done before.
Cold at Rainham, 9th November
Well, better than yesterday at least, though that wouldn't have been difficult. It's good to include a people element now and again, makes a change from the drivel you usually produce. Thought you were a bit too rude, but then again, gushing adulation would have been too much. Somewhere in between would have been ideal, but it's too late now. Liked the fact it was about Rainham, and that you finally put some hours in there, rather than just twitch the place like you usually do.
Well it's clear that I need to stop by more often, you're clearly getting ahead of yourself, just writing for the sake of it. What do you mean you enjoy it? Enjoyment has nothing to do with it. You want to be a serious blog writer? Then start taking it more seriously. Remember, most people who read this are bored witless. They visit as an alternative to doing work. You have to entertain them. I know, it isn't easy, but you need to do better. The problem at the moment is that you largely have nothing to say. Frankly if I were a reader I'd be dreading the winter months.
Your best post this week was on November the 5th, your only hope of retaining readers is to make sure you have more days like that.