You will perhaps recall that I broke my toe. Do you remember which one it was? I do. Certain significant other people in the Lethbridge residence do not. Nice to see they care. To save you from going back and looking at photos of my well-pedicured feet, it was the LEFT big toe.
Imagine my astonishment yesterday when a follow-up letter from the NHS Fracture Clinic arrived, one copy for me, one copy for my doctor.
Dear Dr Sinha
Diagnosis: Evulsion type fracture proximal phalanx right big toe.
This 35 year old gentleman was walking down his garden when his right big toe was forcefully flexed when he hit something. It became very painful and swollen. This happened about 9 days ago. He came to casualty where x-rays showed the above fracture. Since then his symptoms have improved a lot. He hardly has any pain now and is walking without a limp.
On examination there was some swelling but no bruising. He was tender over the IP joint of the big toe but was able to actively extend the big toe without any problem. I do not think he needs any active treatment but he needs to avoid sporting activities for a while. I am not giving him any further clinic appointment.
So what can we infer from this, other than that Mrs L is qualified to work as a Doctor and that "evulsive" must be medical-speak for "very serious"? Well, the first line is interesting, as Dr Sinha retired last year, but that is a mere record-keeping slip-up. They got the wrong bloody foot!! Did the doctor perhaps not notice that when looking at the x-ray that there were a number of other bones to the left of my big toe, but none to the right? Jeez, if I ever need something amputating I hope this guy isn't on duty!
And yes, I was just walking down my garden, minding my own business, perhaps casually whistling a tune, when ever-so-unfortunately my foot brushed against something forcefully. If this were the case, fully seventy-five percent of the population would have broken bones. Remember that I said my appointment lasted about 90 seconds, and then I limped out again? This is the proof.
However, all is forgiven, as the letter made me laugh. The doctor has inserted some genuine humour by suggesting that I avoid sporting activities for a while. Oh OK then, I will. Although this will mean a massive lifestyle makeover, for the sake of my toe, I'll give it all up.