Ah yes, middle age. I am there, have been since my early twenties according to many people I know. Middle age is apparently defined as being after early adulthood but before old age. Makes sense. So about 45 to 65. I am nowhere near 45 of course, and view 60 as very old indeed, but nonetheless even if my friends are wrong there are signs.
I'm not just talking about involuntary groans when you bend down to pick something up. No, this is far more serious. On Saturday morning I caught myself fretting about whether the lawn was too wet to mow. Gah! If that isn't a sign I don't know what is. I rebelled and mowed it anyway. That's another sign - thinking that breaking from established gardening norms somehow counts as gross insurrection.
Anyway, I don't mind being middle aged, I was born to it. And now that I am approaching it I can legitimately do or claim many things that when I was younger just didn't fly. Going out for instance. Sometimes I am in the mood, but very often (almost always in fact) I prefer a quiet night in to going out. I hate going out, and always have. I might have to talk to people for starters.
I can also now complain about rubbish on the TV. This has applied to me since I was about ten years old. I would go to school and the other kids would be talking enthusiastically about something or other and I would have absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I still don't, and have awkward conversations with colleagues where it slowly dawns on them that I am not normal. The last time I watched an actual broadcast of anything was probably about 2014. I've seen a few things on 'catch-up' or whatever it is called, most recently in December I think, Blue Planet 2, which was excellent. Mostly however my life, and that of our entire household, is entirely television-free. Long may that continue. Imagine if I felt compelled to watch series, or couldn't possibly miss X Y or Z? How people have time to watch TV I simply have no idea.
I can also whinge about how crap music is these days. I don't know a single tune in the Top Ten and probably never have. What I will say is that my children play a variety of rubbish such as you would not believe. Utter trash. But they are also subjected to my middle-aged music by way of education, so when I put Springsteen or Van Morrison on they might grit their teeth, but they know it as well as I do and I take some comfort from that.
Talking of children, I find that they are quite difficult to understand sometimes. Did you know that if something is "bear sick" it means that it's really cool. I didn't and I am willing to bet that most readers of this post don't either. Come to think of it it might be 'bare' sick actually, I have no idea and I don't care. The point is it's ridiculous. When I was at school when something was really cool, it was, well, cool. Probably my parents thought I sounded ridiculous too.
What about writing a blog? I'm willing to bet that this is exceedingly middle-aged. Young people don't write, it is too much effort, too much to take in for this instant age that we live in. Soundbites and pictures are what is needed for the pathetic attention spans most people have these days. That sounds very middle-aged of me, and being perverse this post has neither. Just another little contribution to my upcoming demographic label. You know those drop-downs on websites - 25-34, 35-44, 45-65..... Yup, there is a bracket shift coming my way in a few years, just another relentless reminder, as if scrolling down for the year of my birth is not enough, that I am well and truly - nearly - middle aged.