Monday, 4 January 2016

Counting Things

All mildly obsessive middle-aged men like counting things, and I am no different. Recently I have been counting birds, but obviously that's stopped now. A three hour trudge in sodden conditions yesterday netted me one solitary thing to count, a Coal Tit. Hmpff. So now I am counting other things. Here are some of them.

Number of tasty, refreshing, well-deserved alcoholic beverages consumed this year: 0

Number of crisps eaten today: 0 (do not ask about yesterday)

Amount of sugar taken in my coffee: 0.00g

Number of steps taken today: 7699

Oh yes, it's January and that can only mean one thing. Dieting. After the excesses of Christmas and New Year, and er, the last 12 months, it is time to tighten my belt and stare down the barrel of moderation. Actually I cannot tighten my belt as I might explode. This is my major problem. It's not that I'm very fat - I mean I don't need the extension seat belt on an aeroplane, people don't offer their seat to me on the tube or anything like that, but I definitely on the way to being a little tiny bit rotund. Errr....

And seriously unfit. I am so unfit that I am not fit enough to exercise. Such a shame! All it took to break me was a 12 mile romp around the patch on New Year's Day. My right knee hurts, my shins hurt, and as for the middle toe on my left foot. Can you guess? Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow. I had a play around on some mapping software today, and my usual route around the patch is a shade over four miles. That's easily manageable, especially with a Double Decker half way round. So to do three times that without chocolate was asking for trouble, and sure enough the next day I couldn't walk.

I am feeling a lot better now and my limp has almost gone, as evidenced by 7699 steps, however in no way do I feel I could run anywhere, and that was the plan -  to start that couch to sofa thing everyone talks about. Even though they're only about twenty feet from one another, one in the front room, the other in the middle room, I can't possibly run between them at the moment so that's on hold until I have recovered sufficiently. Then you won't see me for dust! (Without a domestic goddess, Chateau L isn't looking the best to be honest)

But I am starting all that other stuff, including the abstinence. Gah! What I wouldn't do for a glass of wine! Gin! And in addition to this major temporary lifestyle change I have even thought about my bike a couple of times! Then I've tended to look out of the window at the rain coming in sideways and thought about buses and trains instead. Hmmmm. The walking thing is good though, simply a freebie app on my phone installed in about 30 seconds. I had no idea I walked so far in a nothing day. Today's steps were about 3.5 miles and that was without any birding whatsoever- simply my commute and a bit of walking to get tea and coffee throughout the day. Disappointingly this only burned 355 calories, though how my phone knows that I have no idea. That's because walking isn't in any way difficult - what knackered me was the repetitive part of it causing various muscles to quit in protest. My heart rate probably never even moved above whatever normal is, and toddling round the patch is unlikely to do anything to change that. Unless of course the Caspian Gull returns. Wait, what am I saying?

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